I now have proof
that humans have descended from apes. It’s Conor.
He’s unleashed his inner chimpanzee, and I have to say, it’s really,
totally, horribly annoying.
Conor’s never been a
quiet kid. He’s always engaged in
a lot of nonsensical noises, generally in a loud voice. But this… this new noise takes it to a
whole other level.
Eeeeeeee EeeeEEE EEEEEE Aaaahhhhh AaaAAhhhHH Ooooooh Ooooooooh AAAAAHHH
Normally, I don’t
care if he makes noises. It helps
me keep track of what he’s doing.
(Too quiet is actually a bad sign.
Quiet means he’s up to no good.)
We actually used to
encourage him to go into the depths of our unfinished, dirty basement to whoop
it up. He’d ride around the dirt
floor on his scooter, sing bastardized versions of The Lion King songs at the
top of his lungs in a nice falsetto, and eat the scraps we’d throw down to him
every night. (That’s a joke, by
the way. The scraps part.)
But this new
chimpanzee noise, it’s driving me crazy! He’s literally doing it at the top of
his lungs.
Eeeeeeee EeeeEEE EEEEEE Aaaahhhhh AaaAAhhhHH Ooooooh Ooooooooh AAAAAHHH
And in the shower
too, for good measure. He gets
phenomenal reverb in there and jumps up and down for good measure. I keep expecting him to throw feces at
the glass like the chimps at the zoo.
(I kid, I kid you. It’s a joke, the feces part.)
(Yes, Mom, I know
jumping in the shower is bad; he could fall. We’re working on it.)
The worst--when he
adds his new favorite activity to the chimp screams. Bouncing the ball. In the hall, not the shower.
Any ball, he’ll
bounce. Watching him try to bounce
the golf balls off the walls led me to ban them in the house. We have windows
and mirrors and pictures and things with glass, after all.
He’s particularly
fond of those medium-sized plastic bouncy balls from Target (they make a nice
“ping!”), but he also likes tennis balls and Sky balls. Sounds innocuous enough, the ball
bouncing. Until he’s on his
twentieth minute of bouncing on the wood floor, that is.
THWACK THWACK THWACK
Eeeeeeee EeeeEEE EEEEEE Aaaahhhhh AaaAAhhhHH Ooooooh Ooooooooh AAAAAHHH
THWACK THWACK THWACK
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
That last one, that was me pulling out my hair.
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